We have been given outreach locations to do our two months of mission work. I would really love for anyone who is reading this to pray over these locations and see what the Lord lays on your heart for me. Please don't tell me anything if you do not feel it has been laid on your heart by the Lord. Though I appreciate your opinions, I want words from the Lord.
Macau, China.
French Polynesia (Tahiti)
Ghana, Africa
Mozambique, Africa
If you get any vision, word, dream, revelation, prophesy, or anything from the Lord regarding one of these places or my time during my outreach will look like or even just a random word that you don't understand please please please share with me. I think it could be really cool to see what the Lord will do with this. And don't feel pressure...I am asking for prayer because I want to see the Lord work, but ultimately He will lead me personally where I need to be.
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Today our class was on intercession. I LOVED IT. You know, I never knew I had a heart for intercession prayer until today, and then it hit me, and not I cannot wait to continue in it.
Intercession (prayer) is different than normal praying in that, prayer is meant to be an intimate time with the Lord. It is personal, but intercession is praying on behalf of someone or something or someplace else. Its praying for the Kingdom outside of yourself. You are allowing yourself to be the gap aka bridge--between God and the one being prayed over. It is a prayer that requests a power to breakthrough for that person/place/thing. Now, that does not mean it will necessarily come to pass...God can answer your prayers, but ultimately the person has a choice whether or not to accept it. That's why it's love ya know? (shout out to Abigail Scheid right there hehe)
Anywho, today as we went over intercession, I realized how much I have a heart for it. I think everyone does, but it looks different in different people's lives. Like for me, I LOVE to get up in the dark of the morning and walk and pray. I like the stillness, the solitude, the active moment in the complete darkness. I like being able to walk around and talk out loud and let my mind wander as I cry out to the Lord for others. When I pray for myself I like a pen and paper. It helps me organize my jumbled thoughts, but when I pray for others, I love walking and talking. I have even begun to realize that it is more refreshing to my soul to get up at 3 in the morning and talk and pray with the Lord then it is for me to sleep. Crazy right?!? But I love it...literally. I crave it. I have more energy on days that I spend walking and praying with the Lord.
I have also learned that I have a relational heart. When I intercede, I don't like to pray for a place I feel no connection to; I like to pray for somewhere where I know people, where I can feel the hurt. I am business minded, yes, but people oriented--make sense? I think a lot of people probably really feel that way--its hard to pray for something you have no connection to, but anyway...I have really been asking God to give me the heart of Jesus. Give me the heart that breaks with empathy, compassion, and love for others and what they are going through. To give me spiritual eyes that allow me to understand the pain behind the story rather than the actions that are taking center stage.
I am realizing that I have a heart for Bristol. Oh, how my heart breaks for the pain I see in people in Bristol. My heart cries out for Bristol.
This leads me to the next thing I am learning>>>
I have a heart for CHANGE. I don't know exactly what that means in my life, but I do know that I have a heart that aches to bring CHANGE AND JUSTICE. As I have been reading verses, I have begun to write down words that pop in my mind. Words that resonate somewhere deep in my soul:
PIONEER. JUSTICE. CHANGE. FREEDOM. CHAINS. BLIND. BOLD. GENTLE. COURAGE. ACHE. LONGING. ZEAL. PASSION. DESIRE. PRESENCE. AUTHORITY. POWER. TREMBLING.
It reminds me of a storm. Oh, how I love storms. Something about them. They are so powerful yet refreshing, and that moment before the storm hits and all becomes completely still...THEN BOOM. Ahh, I just love it. It actually genuinely excites me just talking about it. Weird, huh?
I don't know what all these words mean or even why I like storms, but I know that they mean something. The Lord will provide the answers when they need to be revealed. BUT...cool story REAL QUICKLY.
One night when I was asleep here, the Lord woke me up just in time to hear one of my roommates yell "HIS VOICE IS LIGHTNING!" She yelled it in her sleep and has no recollection of it, but when I heard her scream it in the middle of the night, I did not know why, but I did know that it was meant for me. For whatever reason, the Lord wanted to tell me that phrase through her, but I have no idea why. I am pumped to find out though :)
I ask that you all would be covering my sleep with prayer. I have been having tons of dreams, but I keep waking up and they keep being snatched away. I know for some people that is normal, but for me...it's NOT. I remember my dreams, and usually I get a lot of revelation through them, so if you could be praying protection over me as I sleep and remembrance that would be AWESOME.
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Now, for the incredibly personal battle....
Today has been....WAR.
That is literally the best way I know to describe it. I woke up and did not know my own thoughts. The devil was roaring in my head all morning. He was attacking my thoughts.
You see, before coming to YWAM, the Lord spoke Hosea 2:14-20 to me:
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor[a] a door of hope.
There she will respond[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor[a] a door of hope.
There she will respond[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 “In that day,” declares the LORD,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.[c]’
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in[d] righteousness and justice,
in[e] love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in[f] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.[c]’
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in[d] righteousness and justice,
in[e] love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in[f] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
He has called me to this place to remove the idol that has taken his place for so long>>>>beauty. And though I have been battling this for the past year, the Lord is now teaching me that the key to triumph is Him. It is not about figuring out what a balanced workout is or what a balanced diet is, but it is about setting my eyes on Jesus and as I fall in love with Him, beauty will become about my beauty in Him. "Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." (Psalm 34:5)
Though I know this truth, today was just hard. It's one of those times when you know the answer, but it was just....painful. Literal pain. I keep getting this vision of me walking into a room and Jesus is there. The second I see him, I just fall on my knees and cry out, "I am so sorry. so so so sorry. I am so sorry that I chose this over you. I am sorry..." Just imagining it, I can feel the pain. It's more than a frustration...it is heartbreak. I don't want to constantly think about my body and what I will eat or how I can make myself look better. I don't want my mood to be based on the way I feel in my clothes. I don't want to be a slave to my body. I want FREEDOM. I long for freedom. I was not made to be in chains. I was made to abide in His love, and for the first time in a long time, I can feel the chains and I WANT OUT. But the process is hard. I can feel myself falling more and more into Christ. I long for Him. Ache for Him. Crave Him. He is becoming so real and personal, but at the same time, I can feel my heart being ripped to pieces. I am letting go of a part of me---so it's like simultaneously I am dying yet gaining life. It makes no sense and yet at the same time, it makes perfect sense.
Side note: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Dg5JXE7FLk
So today was fleshing out of the spiritual battle that is taking place. It was like a war inside my head. THE LION WAS ROARING, but something I have learned is that when the lion roars...LET HIM. The teeth of the great lion are broken. ARE BROKEN, not will be but ARE. I am learning that the key is not to try and fight it or to avoid it, but literally just "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." (Psalm 46:10)
Thus, that is what my morning looked like. Lions roaring in my head and me just getting still and saying, "Go ahead and roar... I hear you but I will NOT respond to you."
I guess the point is that the key to victory is not what you can do to fix it or what you can do to silence it, but it is acknowledgement of your frailty in the flesh and your strength in the Lord. He is warrior---let Him fight for you. Let go and Let Love.
Daniel 10:18-19
"Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength. 19 “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.”
Beauty...
When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”
Job 4:10
The lions may roar and growl, but the teeth of the great lions are broken.
Exodus 15:3
The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name.
A woman who fears the Lord:
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV)
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